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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24844519">Short Lived Romance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/pseuds/MarineHaddock'>MarineHaddock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bakuryuu Sentai Abaranger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Animal Death, Dating, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Emotions, Imperfect Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Talking, Zoo, date, messy relationship, relationship troubles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:26:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24844519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/pseuds/MarineHaddock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryoga and Mikoto go on a date but Mikoto is still unwilling to let people in.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nakadai Mikoto/Hakua Ryouga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Short Lived Romance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you Cy for the support on this.  I don't really know why I had to write this but I did.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"A date?"<br/>"Yeah, since we're dating it's pretty much in the name.  We should have time today and Mai's at nursery, so I figured I could let you pick somewhere to go for a date,"  Mikoto looked at him as if pondering the idea before a smile took over his face.<br/>"Interesting, so you'll go anywhere I want?"<br/>"Yep, since you're living with us it seems fair to let you pick something every once and a while,"  Mikoto snorted dramatically, as he tended to do.  Ryoga wasn't put off by it at all, figuring it was probably a good sign.  It was a lot better than when he'd just whine about not being their friend and leave.  </p><p>They'd come a long way since then after all.  They were dating, but it had been Ryoga's idea, met with a vague "interesting" from Mikoto.  Ryoga chased him down for a bit to get a definitive answer just to be sure, make sure he was really willing to go along with it.  Make sure that he hadn't just gotten a little too hopeful when he'd started to take that as a positive.</p><p>Despite the status, however, the best way to describe how Mikoto appeared to feel about him was keen.  He seemed pretty keen on him, which felt like high praise from a man like Mikoto.  True, in the past he'd seemed more... intense when he'd seen Ryoga fighting, but Ryoga would rather settle for the keenness.  It held less behind it.  Less of the self-hate and destructive tendencies, showing something softer that possibly existed within Mikoto.  Something that made his chest feel fuller than anything.</p><p>It was like he was finally letting just a little bit of love worm its way into his heart.  Slowly.  Ever so slowly but in a way that made Ryoga feel that if he persisted, he could make it grow.  Grow till one day Mikoto would start to understand what it was he was feeling properly.  Grow till he could finally say that he loved him back.</p><p>Ryoga handed him a single serving tub of ice cream from the freezer while Mikoto thought and he accepted it without resistance, not even hesitating to start eating it.  One of the ways he was getting in.  Little gestures that had at first been met with suspicion, but over time he'd come to accept without question.</p><p>"I know a place," Mikoto said it in a way and Ryoga immediately knew that he had something planned in the way typical of Mikoto.  He was going to try something.  "I'll drive."<br/>"Are you going to tell me where it is?"  Once again, Mikoto just snorted at him.  He probably thought he was too good for answering such questions.  He stood up and headed for the door, grabbing his keys on the way.</p><p>It was cute how the little plastic spoon sat between his lips as he went.  Ryoga grabbed his own jacket as he ran after him trying to keep up until he remembered that he was leaving the curry house abandoned.  He shouted at Mikoto to wait for a second as he ran back to lock the door behind them then ran back to jump in the passenger side door.</p><p>"Seatbelt on, Doctor Nakadai," he didn't even look over, just said it automatically as he heard the engine start.  The displeased huff was enough to tell him he'd been wise to insist upon it.  He'd gotten used to saying it every time they went out since the first time Mikoto had been in the car with Mai.  She'd noticed immediately that he wasn't wearing it and told him off, lecturing him on the importance of wearing your seatbelt.  Mikoto seemed to be strangely unable to deny her such things and had done as he was told.  Ryoga took to reminding him before Mai had to as a good example.</p><p>Maybe if he kept it up, one day Mikoto would remember all on his own.</p><p>"And don't eat while driving," Ryoga chimed in again as Mikoto tried once again to start the car.  He could feel him glaring at him hard enough to undo saving his life in the first place.<br/>"I can eat and driv-"<br/>"That's no good, Doctor Nakadai.  You know-"<br/>"I know the risks and I don't care."<br/>Ryoga smiled at him, ignoring the glare that bore into him.  Despite his words, the car wasn't moving.  Mikoto was just sitting, radiating pure annoyance as he ate the ice cream before finally giving it up and leaving the last few spoonfuls.  </p><p>Ryoga finished off the tub, though he instantly regretted it when he remembered they didn't exactly have a bin in the car.  He'd have to put it in the cupholder till they got wherever they were going.  This was why he'd usually make sure Mai didn't bring any food in the car.  It was hard enough keeping Mikoto from just throwing it whatever direction took his fancy.  Though, much like many of his other bad habits, it seemed to disappear in front of Mai.  Ryoga didn't bring it up to him since he doubted Mikoto was happy about it, but he seemed to put in the effort where he felt it mattered.  Like he couldn't keep up his own personality in front of her.</p><p>It was a weak point Ryoga had noted purely for taking advantage of.</p><p>The wind helped keep him cool as they drove, the sun blazing a lot hotter than he'd expected when he'd thought to go out.  He'd need to pick up sunblock on their way home in case it was the same at the weekend.  He hadn't any on, but it seemed like it would be a waste for them to go somewhere indoors on such a nice day.  They'd have to be careful.  He'd have to keep an eye on Mikoto too, he never went without the shirt and long jacket.  It wouldn't be good if their date ended in heatstroke.</p><p>They drove by the cinema, ruling that out.  He wasn't really sure if Mikoto would pick a horror film for a date.  At home, he often would, but on a day like this, it felt like it would be too amateurish for him.  This was a man that tried to crash Jupiter into Earth.  He was far too flashy for trying to scare him away with a horror film.</p><p>They passed the theme park at full speed.  Haunted houses and rollercoasters were too simple too.  The idea of it was too childish for Mikoto.  Too focused around the idea of having him cling to him instead of what he'd actually want.  He wouldn't have been too shocked if Mikoto's plan was just to upset other people there.  Terrorising innocents was usually his style but it was too obvious, too easy to disrupt.</p><p>Suddenly the car turned and going off some roads he didn't even recognise as having been there.  Rocky and filled with holes, probably not good for the convertible.  Dust and mud spraying up the sides.  It led into some wooded area, but there remained a distinct, though not built-up, road.  There was a smell of fresh sawdust and smoke filling the air.  Occasionally disappearing then reappearing.</p><p>The woods seemed thick from the outside but as they drove in it was a lot more sparse than it looked.  Mikoto had slowed down on the road just in case.  It gave Ryoga a chance to examine the surroundings.  The tree branches had been cut off at around lorry height.  The leaves were piled up but otherwise, the road was a lot clearer than he'd of expected.  The road was fortified with gravel to deal with the frequent wear marks of vehicles coming and going.  The trees, of course, a give away that lorries were among them, so something had to be transported in.   He recognised the telltale signs.</p><p>He could hear some dogs up ahead.  The barks at first sounding as if they were among the trees, almost worrying Ryoga that they could run out onto the road at any minute.  Then he realised the trees were thinning out even more here.  There was a fence among them in the direction of the barking.  A lodge sat there as well, most likely where the dog's owner lived.  Smoke billowing from the chimney.  The barking continued as they drove past.  Just beyond the house, the trees were practically nonexistent, giving into a crude clearing.  A gravel car park with work cars, and the entrance.</p><p>The sign claimed it was a park, and looking through the entrance he could see the enclosures.<br/>"A zoo?" Ryoga asked.<br/>"It's new," Mikoto got out the car, not waiting for any more questions.  Ryoga followed him out the car, trying not to let the uncertainty rise to his face.  He hadn't heard anything about a new zoo in the area.  Usually, anything like that would be mentioned when he was talking to the other parents.  Usually, such things held no chance of slipping through the cracks of parents desperately trying to find things to do with their kids.</p><p>Ryoga tried to keep an easy smile on his face.  Suspicion wasn't exactly healthy.  Despite his reservations, he made a point to be at least outwardly optimistic.</p><p>Mikoto paid for them both and pushed through the turnstile.  Ryoga grabbed a guide on his way, and Mikoto's hand on the other side.  He gave him that suspicious look of his but accepted it.</p><p>"What do you want to see first?"  Ryoga unfolded the map, taking a look down the list of enclosures and daily events.  "They're feeding the lions in 30 minutes."<br/>Mikoto nodded.<br/>"We'll take a look when it's happening,"  He kept walking, not letting go of Ryoga's hand as they went to the enclosure side.  They were a decent size, a fair bit of land per enclosure.  The full space was shown on the map in the guide but it didn't have the scale to really work out how much space it was.  There were some deer towards the back, far from where the guests could properly see them.  Most likely they weren't big on the commotion, even during the quiet hours.  Ryoga looked around the side, seeing that there were a few information signs up, but they were being blocked off by other guests.</p><p>Mikoto didn't seem particularly interested in the deer.<br/>"Not really your type of animal, Doctor?"  Ryoga smiled at him as if it held a chance of making him lighten up.  Mikoto didn't answer and walked them away to another enclosure.  A pair of handsome lynxes on a climbing frame near the front.</p><p>They were probably a bit more his style.</p><p>"I used to see lynxes in the park.  They were smaller than these ones, they were the Canadian ones.  You didn't see them often, but you could sometimes make them out in the dark.  Sometimes they'd end up near the ranger station and if it was quiet enough you could watch them hunting hares.  It was rare though, some of the older rangers said they hadn't seen them there up until a few years ago, there's probably only a couple," Mikoto was quiet as he explained.  Ryoga couldn't really tell if he was even paying attention but he didn't take it as a means to dissuade him.</p><p>"I have a few pictures I took while I was there.  Not of the lynxes though.  But someone took my camera and got a really nice picture of a bear.  I wouldn't really recommend getting that close usually but it's nice,"  He checked the map.  "There's a walkway over a bear enclosure here, we could check it out."</p><p>The lynx yawned, showing off its teeth as he pointed in the direction of the bears.  They weren't looking the best.  The place was new, maybe it was a rescue waiting on the vet.  Ryoga tried to reason himself out of worrying about the care of the animals here.  If anything, he'd just have to keep note about supporting them in future if things turned out poorly.</p><p>Mikoto seemed to notice the slight hesitance.</p><p>"Let's see the bears," He started walking in a vague direction, still holding tight to Ryoga's hand.  It took him a minute to correct him on what direction it was as he realised Mikoto hadn't been paying attention.</p><p>The ramp of the walkway was tucked away between the wall of an enclosure and a food stand.  Despite everything, the wood looked well worn.  The structure looked like it should be stable, but it creaked and shook, each step releasing dust and dirt from between the boards.  It could be very handy for the drop of a convenient lunch into the enclosure below.</p><p>Ryoga sucked it up and walked on with the confidence he approached most things with.  There was no real reason to be put off by it.  Mikoto was taking it in his stride as well, though part of him reasoned that this was just a man with no care for his own safety.  A man who'd face a bear with a vague "interesting".  A few of the planks creaked under step and maybe subconsciously, Mikoto moved into him just a little bit.  Their shoulders were pressed close by the time they reached the peak of the ascent.  So maybe he wasn't entirely set on being eaten by bears today.</p><p>One of the bears sat just in view at the bottom.  Seemingly unaware of is observers.  Ryoga scanned the area quickly, noticing that it had been built near a hilly area and had a shelter located on the side of the hill, but he couldn't see any more bears.  He looked back down at the one there.  It was a very large brown bear, bigger than the ones he'd seen in America. There wasn't an animal identification sign anywhere to identify what species it was or give any information on it.  He could see a couple of stray vegetables near it, most likely what helped to draw it towards where visitors could actually see it.  </p><p>"Do you know a lot about animals, Doctor Nakadai?"  Mikoto didn't respond for a few minutes.  Long enough to count as a 'no'.  "Did they never interest you?"<br/>"I studied enough.  I learned about the ones I found interesting."<br/>"What about bears?"<br/>Silence again.<br/>"I thought bears would be right up your alley, something big and dangerous!  I guess they kind of don't have that public image though.  We sometimes had to do quick briefings for people on how to handle an encounter with a bear.  They're really fast and a lot of people get scared about encountering them.  When I joined, they told me about how they used to deal with so many bear-related injuries.  They didn't have as many now but there's still some and property damage issues.  They basically realised we had food and they didn't need to fear us.  They prefer their regular diet, but if they're struggling to find things to eat, they might as well see us about it, I guess."<br/>He couldn't really tell if Mikoto was listening.  He assumed this was probably the most interested he was going to be in any of his stories.  Eyes fixed on him and face unmoving.</p><p>What had Mikoto expected of this date?  Clearly, he had something going through his head here and he hadn't decided to come here so he could hear all about Ryoga's old job.  Ryoga wasn't about to call him on it, of course.  Mikoto may be awkward about these things, but he wasn't wanting to just give in and let this date fall apart.  Sometimes, things took work.  Mikoto took work to open up and Ryoga was determined to crack him.  No matter how weird a situation he had to deal with to get there.</p><p>Still, Mikoto avoided saying anything and he desperately tried to fill the empty air with bear facts.  As many as he could think of.  Trying to judge if anything changed in Mikoto's face as he said certain things, but never quite catching them.</p><p>Until it was finally the lions' feeding time.  That brought the twitch of a smile to his face.</p><p>It wasn't a big crowd, just a few people that had been bobbing around the place.  Not like the way it was for bigger parks where they would of had crowds of kids excited to see the animals eat.  There was a keeper there to talk a bit about the lions and their hunting patterns, but as interested as Ryoga would usually be, his ears switched off the second he saw the meal.</p><p>Typical.  Typical Nakadai.  The instant he saw them carrying the dead fawn, the keeper explaining how it was one from the deer that had been kept on site, how they'd had to cull it.  It all made sense.  Mikoto just couldn't let them have a nice date.  He'd done his research and known what would happen.  He'd done exactly what Ryoga knew he'd do the second he'd decided where they were going.</p><p>Ryoga avoided taking the deep breath his brain called for, knowing better than to show weakness to the company he was keeping.</p><p>"You know, Doctor," Mikoto didn't look round at him.  He was staring into the enclosure with that sick smile he'd had so many times.  The smile of knowing he was getting to someone.  A smile that today, wouldn't be enough to keep Ryoga's own off his face.  "Lions only hunt every few days.  Well, lionesses do.  They'll skip eating some days.  But a lot of the time they'll eat carcasses other hunters have left behind.  They'll find things hyenas killed and eat that instead of hunting for themselves."<br/>He wasn't going to let Mikoto have this.  He'd remember not to bring Mai in future, something like this would be too much for her.<br/>"Some animals can be pretty messy eaters.  When I was at the park, sometimes we'd find the half-eaten carcasses the carnivores left.  It could be pretty gruesome.  Some animals will naturally cull their young for a number of reasons.  Lions don't tend to leave stuff like that though.  It's good for them to eat skin and bones.  Does good for their teeth."  He continued, keeping the cheery tone in his voice.  He wouldn't waver.  He wouldn't show any hesitation.  He may be a caring person, Mikoto may have thought he could use that against him, but he knew nature.  This didn't scare him.  This was no worse than what he'd experienced upfront so many times.</p><p>As he spoke, the smile dropped from Mikoto's face and he knew he was right.  This wasn't how Mikoto had expected it to go.  In the smallest of ways, he had won this round.</p><p>When the keeper left, Mikoto went back to the car without a word.</p><p>They drove back to the curry house in silence.</p><p>It was still empty.  No one was back yet.  Mikoto wasn't stopping.  He headed straight for his room but something didn't seem right about having the conversation there.</p><p>"Doctor Nakadai,"  He called after him and Mikoto stopped in the doorway, not turning around to face him.  "Are you going to keep acting out in hopes of scaring me away or are you going to eventually come to terms with the fact I'm not leaving?"</p><p>Mikoto didn't answer, remaining perfectly still in the doorway.</p><p>"You wanted to upset me with that, didn't you?"  Ryoga took the first steps towards him, being light on his feet as if he would risk startling him if he were any louder.  "You thought it would scare me away.  That it would give you the chance to go back to being alone."<br/>Mikoto still wouldn't look at him.  Ryoga kept the distance between them.<br/>"You'd rather speed up the rejection rather than risk accepting I like you and waiting for the day when I reject you, right?</p><p>"Doctor Nakadai, I don't know if it's slipped your mind, but I hated you already.  I already had that point where I utterly rejected you.  When you were the only person I'd ever hated in my entire life.  When I couldn't stand the pain you caused.  I went from thinking you could be our friend, that you were one of us.  From seeing you as the doctor that saved my life, to cursing your very being.  You thrived on that.  That was what you wanted from me.  You found it easier to be hated than anything else.  You even liked me better for hating you.  Like it was the only connection you were willing to make.</p><p>"Then I started to realise that I was walking a thin line between love and hate when it came to you.  Despite everything.  Everything you did.  All those horrible things.  All the people you hurt, all the ways you hurt me, all the ways you hurt yourself.  Despite the fact I despised you for it, I could feel...  feel something.  I didn't want to hate you.  I didn't enjoy hating you.  You enjoyed me hating you because it's what you knew.  You knew rejection from everyone, so, me hating you just confirmed what you always knew of the world.  That all those people who claimed to want any positive relationship with you would one day reject you.</p><p>"But, I loved you.  Despite all you did, I wanted you in my life more than anything.  I knew that I wouldn't be happy if I couldn't save you.  That it was more than just wanting to save someone.  That I wanted you in my life, I wanted you here.  That I didn't want to let you go.</p><p>"Doctor Nakadai, I've already seen the worst of you so many times.  Yet, it wasn't till after seeing all those things that I came to accept I loved you.  Even though those things didn't make me fall for you, they weren't deterring me.  I didn't know what to think but…  You need to accept that I'm not going to reject you anymore.  You're not going to be abandoned here.  Maybe Yukito and Ranru don't like it, but this is your home now.  Mai's already accepted you.  So this should be your home just like it is ours."</p><p>The clock ticked horribly in the silence.  Counting every second that they stood like that.  Each tick making Ryoga more aware of the tension in his body.  He hadn't noticed it building.  Preparing him for whatever reaction should come now.  But he forced himself to slowly try and let it go as Mikoto stood there.  Giving him no response.  No inkling to his thoughts.  No answer to his question, no declaration of feelings.</p><p>He took the steps forward and put his hand on Mikoto's shoulder.<br/>"Doctor Nakadai, I love you and I know that scares you,"  Before he could continue Mikoto shrugged his hand off and for a brief second, he could see Mikoto's face.  A startling redness, one he couldn't even begin to guess at if it was embarrassment or anger or if it was even possible that Mikoto was resisting an urge to cry.  Before he could say anything more, Mikoto was storming back off towards his room.</p><p>Yet Ryoga followed as if their hands were locked in the tightest embrace.</p><p>Mikoto closed the door behind them, still trying to hide his face.  Ryoga tried to look elsewhere.  The room was still very plain.  Stacked high with the boxes they'd brought in from Mikoto's own home that had remained untouched.  It was filled with the smell of curry that filled most of the building, but here it was stale.  Looking around, he saw the half-eaten plate of curry that Mikoto had left and was almost definitely the source.  The futon he'd given Mikoto remained rolled out under the window as he'd left it.  Nothing about it felt comfortable.  It felt like a glorified closet.  A closet they were storing him in.  Filled with unloved things and stale smells.</p><p>"Why should any of it matter to you?"  Mikoto finally spoke and Ryoga near jumped.  It almost felt like he'd forgotten the sound of Mikoto's voice.  "Who are you to think you know me?  Because your friend had some people spy on me, had them dig up some old records that tell you all you need to know.  Do you think that's going to make some difference?  That's all it takes to make me your friend?"  He spat the word as if it was a mouthful from that abandoned curry.</p><p>"I didn't join you because I wanted to be your teammate.  I want my revenge for being used."<br/>"Then why did you agree to date me?"<br/>Once again, Mikoto was silent.<br/>"If you didn't want to, you'd of stormed off or said so but you've gone along with it.  Doctor Nakadai, I think, that you like me.  You don't want to be our friend or our teammate and you say you're only trying to get your revenge, but you like me right?"</p><p>Ryoga sat down by the door.  He had no intention to leave until they finished talking and he needed to cement himself as such.  That, and the fact that he was used to getting low so that he'd be at eye level when talking to Mai about serious subjects.  It made the situation more comfortable now if he could feel like it was just one of those discussions.  Talking to someone who wanted to listen.</p><p>"Don't just go making assumptions," Mikoto didn't sit but he looked at him now, towering over him.  Maybe that was what put Mikoto at ease.  Always making sure that others couldn't touch him.  That he didn't have to see eye-to-eye with them.<br/>"So you're dating me, but you don't like me?" It was hard to see Mikoto's expression from that angle.  The unease, however, radiated off of him.  The refusal to answer served to punctuate it.</p><p>"Doctor Nakadai, did anyone ever talk to you properly?"  The thought had just popped into Ryoga's head, a strange little twitch in his mind.  "When you were a kid, did anyone want to know your feelings?"<br/>Mikoto scoffed dramatically.<br/>"That's what you call this?"<br/>"I want to help you-"<br/>"It seems like you're just reprimanding me."<br/>"Did anyone ever do that either?"  He tried not to sound too harsh.  He didn't want it to be accusatory.  It was.  He didn't want it to sound like it was but the thought had crossed his mind so many times when they'd fought.  Hadn't anyone ever taught him better?  Hadn't anyone ever tried to show him the merit of helping others?  Is this the kind of adult Mai would become if he didn't raise her right?  If he didn't teach her right from wrong and how to deal with her feelings?  Would she be so shut off and afraid of feeling?</p><p>"Could you talk to your family about things?"  Ryoga tried to move the conversation back, hoping the outburst wouldn't sour the progress.<br/>"Stupid.  I had nothing to talk to them about."<br/>"What about friends?"  Ryoga had expected the silence following that one.  The answer was clear enough.  "I don't think any kid without friends would be at a loss for things they want to talk to an adult about.  Mai tells me if the kids aren't playing nice or if something is upsetting her.  Or if she needs help with something.  </p><p>"It must have been hard, Doctor Nakadai.  Suddenly moving into a new home and not knowing how your parents felt about you.  There have been nights Mai has curled into me in tears, wanting to know if her parents loved her.  No matter how much we've talked about it, sometimes the worry flares up.  I can't imagine how it would eat at her without someone to talk to about it.</p><p>"Your situation was different but I think that's all the more reason you'd have wanted to talk about it, right?"<br/>"You're just using this to make excuses for me."<br/>"Doctor Nakadai," Ryoga started but no words followed.</p><p>Finally, Mikoto sat down across from him.  Glances as if to challenge him.  Still, no words came to him to dispute it.  Mikoto had caught him out on an insecurity of his own.  That he only ever cared for an idealised version of Mikoto, as opposed to the one that sat across from him in that room.<br/>"You need to justify my actions to feel better.  That's how you justify liking me, by believing there's a better person underneath."</p><p>He could feel a stinging pain in his chest, his mind suddenly uneasy as if motion sick.  Suddenly his own legs seemed like the most interesting thing in the world.  A grounding spot as he focused on the sensation of the floor beneath them.</p><p>"And here you are to tell me to open up to you," The snide smile on Mikoto's lips sent a burning feeling through him.  Something he almost couldn't recognise.</p><p>He took a deep breath, trying to clear his thoughts.<br/>"Doctor Nakadai, I'm sorry," He rubbed his fingers far harder than he should have as he spoke.  Speaking the thoughts he reasoned with so many times.  "That wasn't my intention.  I didn't fall in love with you because I thought you could be better or anything like that.  I realised I didn't want to be without you and that it was because I'd fallen for you.  Back then, I didn't think you could be...  But I loved you anyway.</p><p>"Doctor Nakadai, what can I do?"<br/>"How should I know."  Despite it all, Ryoga couldn't help laughing.<br/>"I guess I should have excepted that," Mikoto's smile grew more genuine as he held back a laugh of his own and it sent a flutter back into Ryoga's chest.  A reminder of the one he'd felt all those times when he'd begged to suppress it.  </p><p>"You've never seriously dated before have you, Doctor?"<br/>"I've dated."<br/>"But were you serious about it?"<br/>"What business is that of yours."</p><p>Now he didn't mind the little action to shrug him off, now that he knew he was getting in.  Now it was only a half-hearted defence.</p><p>"Doctor Nakadai, I'd like it if you'd consider me seriously someday."<br/>Mikoto's smile fell suddenly and his mouth twitched.  His throat bobbed as he gulped and he avoided meeting Ryoga's eye.  Ryoga understood, feeling that discomfort in his stomach and part of him wanted to avoid Mikoto after letting the words slip.</p><p>Instead, he followed the other part of him that was steadily building to a scream.  The part of him that made him shift and crawl over to Mikoto.  The part that gave in to kissing him.  Only a peck on the lips.  He wanted to go in again to kiss him properly but he would never know if he actually did or if in the short distance Mikoto chose to kiss him.  He would try to convince himself it was him but the memory would always rub at him with uncertainty, maybe just wanting to believe it as Mikoto's first full showing of vulnerability.  The first sign he truly wanted to let him in.  To cling to him as strongly as Ryoga wanted to to him.</p><p>Without the clarity of knowing, he didn't try again at that moment.  He'd felt Mikoto's lips on his own and that would have to do, no matter how much he wanted more.  Someday, he may venture for another, but such things would take time.  Time that he would be happy to dedicate earnestly.</p><p>"You know it's not that easy.  You can't just assume that I'll be-" Mikoto started and his left wrist twitched.  Part of Ryoga wondered how much Topgaler had been listening to.  The others had each other to speak to, but Topgaler only truly stuck to Mikoto.<br/>"We'll find a way.  I told you, I won't feel like we've saved this world if we don't save you along with it."<br/>Mikoto chuffed as he did at the thought, but something told Ryoga that in a small way, Mikoto truly wished that that would be true.</p>
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